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Sensuality Exploration
Sensuality is innate within me, but I carried shame around it. My hips have been fluidly switching since my development into my womanly body. I love showing off my belly like the vixens I have seen in music videos because they were powerful through being sexy. I wanted to be powerful through being sexy too.
The shame shows through when it comes to how people perceive my walk, my dress, and how I speak. I don’t like the idea of being judged. I never shifted my hips to get attention from men, boys, or anyone else, but if someone who’s never said a word to me claims I do, I know I’m quick. I’m trying to be mature. I try too hard to get attention. Expressing myself through movement and body language is easy for me; it’s suppressing that expression that’s difficult.
Nevertheless, societal pressures won the battle against my suppression, which was at full throttle. Suppression gave me a sense of safety for a long time, and I became comfortable within my curated safety bubble. However, I’m growing into a space where I have more freedom to explore sensuality and sexuality, but that freedom feels taboo to explore. Nobody told me that there is an awkward stage in the transitions between different adulthoods, but I am ready for the challenges if it means I can feel the ebbs and flows of my expression without the dark cloud of shame.
Sex is freeing. Sex is power. Sex is a natural part of life that's fun to explore. One of my life goals is to become a sex symbol through all senses. I want to be the dream woman who lights up your day, even if just for a few seconds. Embodying the “you can look, but don’t touch” tension is something I aspire to. Sensuality brings a teasing joy and rush that feel very, very right.
Where Does Sex Appeal Come From?
This is my Janet's year for me to explore what sensuality means to me. Every little thing I do, I ask myself, “What would Janet do?” That question has motivated me to take actions like gathering the energy to look confident everywhere I go and getting a risqué tattoo. It’s a playful challenge, but I do feel more in control of my external self. Gradually, the idea that I need to contain my sensuality is fading away, while the urge to sanitize myself all the time is right behind it. I challenge you to think of the sexiest, hottest celebrity you know, and imagine what they would do for simple tasks like doing laundry. Ultimately, you’ll realize that you’re just as sexy as they are.
When I discovered the genre Dark Romanticism, I took the opportunity to explore the taboo feeling of my sexuality. I drew from my powerful Scorpio placements (when I say Scorpio, you say Lilith) to craft an alluring atmosphere that almost feels too hot to touch. I hope I conveyed this well. Let me know what senses were awakened while reading this!
GENRE: Dark Romanticism
We open to ABSINTHE and LIZ entering a messy bedroom as if they are about to have an important secret conversation.
ABSTINTHE: Your sweat is dripping like water.
ABSINTHE drags her finger up LIZ’s body and rubs her sweat between her fingers.
LIZ: That means I did a good job, right? We shouldn’t be here away from everybody. They already think that I am the favorite.
ABSINTHE: Loosen up. Stress ages you 5 years in one month. (She starts circling LIZ). Seriously loosen up. (She rubs LIZ’s shoulders) I’m not dumping you out on the street. Although that would feel natural, wouldn’t it?
LIZ carefully shakes ABSINTHE off
LIZ: …I appreciate what you have done for me so far. Trust me I do.
ABSINTHE: …I saw something beautiful within you at that Popeyes. Face. Body. Aura. I thought to myself that someone like you should not be wasted on Don Julio fading her beauty.
LIZ: Thank you for seeing something in me.
ABSINTHE: Do you hear that often?
LIZ: Hear what often?
ABSINTHE: That people see your potential? The way that you shine?
LIZ: Do you butter up to every woman that treks in here? Or am I actually special?
ABSINTHE: Answering my question with a question. I like that energy a lot.
ABSINTHE carefully grabs LIZ chin.
ABSINTHE: Dance for me right now.
LIZ: You want to see me twice in a day? Better than any man I have graced before
ABSINTHE releases LIZ's chin and walks to her speaker and plays Own It x Ella Mai. LIZ starts dancing. Her dancing is a mixed of grace with high sensuality. She dances for a few moments before ABSINTHE turns off the music.
ABSINTHE: Hmm. You’re almost hypnotizing. I see green covering every inch of you and green piercing at you after every set. Actually, I think I know what I want to name you. Jungle Jezebel.
LIZ: Now I am a Christian and not a jezebel.
ABSINTHE: Darling. Jezebel is just a word. To be honest with you, the bible is just a stringed-along collection of words to keep us in line. Tell me what has fallen in line gotten you? In here with other jezebels?
LIZ: …Jungle Jezebel is a fine name…I do thank you absinthe
ABSINTHE: If Jesus has the funds, we would accept him in here…
LIZ: (sternly) I said thank you for all you do for me and to keep me out of harm’s way. How can I improve to be ready to perform? That’s why we are in here right? What do you want from me?
ABSINTHE: Ooh. Feisty. Keep biting baby, I like that. Fuck yeah, Jungle Jezebel we came to party. What I really want to know is what would you do to stay on top?
ABSINTHE leans in for a close to LIZ’s face but LIZ stays stoic. ABSINTHE draws back.
ABSINTHE: Well if you are so anxious to know, I’ll give you some tips. You want to deepen your connection to your person until they become vulnerable. Your movements are very graceful but very technical and disconnected. Being human is what separates us from the sexbots. One thing you want to do is take your hand (caresses LIZ’s arm) and slowly drag it down their arm. So slow that you are intimate with every molecule on their skin. When they become impatient, they will reach out to you and you take that opportunity to slowly push them away. And use that same hand (caresses herself) to touch your skin to the point that their skin becomes jealous.
LIZ: How long have you been at this?
ABSINTHE: 5 years darling. I can teach you a lot. Trust me. Do you trust me?
LIZ: Are you someone to trust?
ABSINTHE: Am I someone to trust?
LIZ: Answering my question with a question. It seems like we can teach each other.
ABSINTHE: I can push the gas if you are ready to go. I’m just saying that you need a lil practice.
LIZ: Your movements are so subtle but it feels like ecstasy. I guess you are truly a pro.
ABSINTHE: Want to practice on me till you are ready?
The two women lean in to an almost kiss as it fades to black. “Deep, you wanna go deep. You know fucked up when you let my mind creep” from D.E.E.P. x Outkast is playing in the background.
Comment below what you would name this piece!
Thank you for dipping into the pool of my imagination 🧆.